FitDeck Blog with founder Phil Black

Activity-based eating

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #57: Activity-based eating

I know I'm not breaking new ground here, but I think this simple eating idea has been lost in the sea hundreds and hundreds of diets and fancy eating regimens.

Simply stated, the idea says:

Eat as much as your activity level justifies.

That's it. No calorie counting, no taste deprivation, no colon-cleansing juice concoctions.

Before you eat a meal, think about how active you've been up to that point and eat accordingly.

• If you cranked out a great, 90-minute strength/cardio workout at 6am - go ahead and have a nice, hearty breakfast.
• If you rolled out of bed, into your car, and into your desk chair at work - have a light breakfast and a light snack before lunch.
• If you spent all day working in the yard, mowing the lawn, playing Frisbee with the kids, and walking around Home Depot for 2 hours - you can probably afford a sizable dinner.
• If you've sat in an airplane seat for 6 hours and finally rolled into your hotel room at 9pm - I know you feel sorry for yourself and want to order some comfort food from the room service menu, but don't do it. It's not justified.

Remember Madonna's 90's hit "Justify My Love"? Well, I've renamed it "Justify My Meal".

This simple step of thinking about your meal in the context of how "active" you have been can be a very common sense way to approach your eating routine.

The beauty is that if you really like to eat (a lot), no problem. You just have to balance that craving by exercising (a lot).

I know this doesn't amount to some unique, secret formula for weight control that no one has ever heard of before. It's common knowledge that calories in must equal calories expended to stay at equilibrium. Sometimes I think simple solutions like this don't get enough attention.

Check yourself before your next meal and let me know how it goes. Did you "Justify Your Meal?".

Until next week,

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

What kind of parent are you?

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #56: What kind of parent are you?

Everyone once in a while I'll hear about a study or a quote that sticks in my head. This week I heard two great ones that really got me thinking. They have to do with parenting/coaching kids in sports.

The first has to do with a quote from Phil Mickelson. As many of you know, Phil is a legendary golfer from San Diego who was just inducted into the Golf Hall of Fame. He's in his forties and is a tremendous family man, great philanthropist, and is always smiling. His personality is infectious.

A reporter recently asked Mickelson to comment on the influence of his parents on his golf game and how it may have differed from Tiger Wood's upbringing. [I'm paraphrasing this somewhat so don't quote me on the specifics]. It went something like this:

"My dad wasn't like Tiger's. He didn't intentionally bang pots and pans in my ear when I was putting. He didn't cough or jangle his car keys during my backswing. My dad was FUN."

Wow! "My Dad was FUN"

This one hit me between the eyeballs. To be clear, I'm nothing like Tiger's dad, but I've been known to exert a little extra "instructional attention" at times to my four sons. That backfired a few years ago and I've since learned my lesson. I let my boys play at their own pace, ability, and interest level until they seek out my help. I also try to make it FUN.

Are you a fun dad or mom?

The second related story comes from a recent study about kids and sports [again, I don't have the specifics on the exact study]. The study asked kids what they most enjoyed and disliked about participating in sporting events.

What kids enjoyed most about playing sports:

1. camaraderie with fellow teammates
2. playing in games
3. scoring basket, or a goal, or a point
4. winning
5. laughing with their friends

What kids disliked most about playing sports:

1. The car ride home

Wow! This was another eye-opener. Thankfully, as tempting as it is, I haven't been "that dad" who rips his kids apart on the drive home from the game - "you should have thrown that guy out, you need to keep your eye on the ball more, you didn't look like you were hustling out there, that kid really had your number, too bad you missed that header, make sure you get that glove down next time."

How brutal is this? The thing that kids most dread about youth sports is the earful they get on the way home from their know-it-all parent(s).

I now make an extra point to be positive on the car ride home. I don't mean that we should sugarcoat every loss like it doesn't matter, but don't make it personal. The last thing our kids need on the way home is a critique - especially after a loss. I'm not saying that there's no room for constructive criticism and coaching, but there's got to be a better time and place.

I know the performance of our kids in sports is inextricably linked to how we feel about ourselves and how we process a lot of our own regrets, self-doubts, and shortcomings in life - but we need to rise above this temptation. They're kids, not mini-mes.

Let's let our kids relax and enjoy the ride home - not dread it.

Has anyone had similar missteps or triumphs related to this sensitive issue?

Until next week, Keep the Edge.

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

Are you an Overcompensator?

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #55: Are you an Overcompensator?

Before I go any further, let's get the formalities out of the way:

"Hello, my name is Phil Black, and I'm an overcompensator." 

"Hi, Phil. Welcome. Thanks for coming."

Yes, I'm an overcompensator. Most people are. I wouldn't say it's a term of endearment, but it's also not the worst thing in the world. Sometimes overcompensation leads to otherworldly inventions, discovery, and creativity (think Steve Jobs). Consider it just another interesting example of the well-documented insecurities of human beings.

For the purposes of this post, an overcompensator is someone who, often subconsciously, does something that is over-the-top in order to prove a point. They are either trying to prove something to themselves, or more commonly, to other people.

My rule of thumb is that when someone looks like they are "trying too hard" to be something or someone they are not - they are overcompensating.

Overcompensation runs rampant in our society. It's all part of a huge cover up for the raging insecurity that most of us feel about something - age, weight, beauty, social status, size, financial means, or, more generally, self-doubt.

By the way, there are also overcompensators who actually overcompensate by undercompensating. Warren Buffet, is the classic undercompensator. He's a multibillionaire who still lives in the same 5-bdrm house he bought in 1958 for $31,000. C'mon Buff. We get it (and love it), you're not in it for the material rewards. We could use a few more good undercompensators.

Overcompensators usually do stuff to themselves, or buy stuff, to transform themselves into something they are not, or wish they could be, or want others to think that they are. The amount of time, money, and energy spent on this activity is mind-blowing.

Top 10 Things Overcompensators do to their bodies (and who we have to thank):

1. Full sleeve tattoos on both arms (NBA)
2. big boobs (Pamela Anderson)
3. ridiculously pouty lips (Angelina Jolie)
4. huge muscles (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
5. washboard abs (Mario Lopez)
6. golden tan (George Hamilton)
7. absurd facial hair (Howie Mandell)
8. makeup (Tammy Faye Baker)
9. 5" high heels (Jimmy Choo)
10. blindingly white teeth (Tom Cruise)

10 Ten Toys that Overcompensators Love:

1. Hummers
2. absurdly "lifted" monster trucks
3. wristwatches the size of a manhole covers
4. Gucci handbags
5. Silver Cross Balmoral Pram Baby Strollers
6. 100" flat screen TVs
7. $190 LeBron James Basketball sneakers
8. Rolex watches
9. Prius
10. Superbowl Champion-sized rings

Listen, I don't mind people trying to improve their looks or enjoy the finer things in life, but c'mon man! The overcompensator is someone who wants all of these things, but they don't come naturally to them. They just don't seem to fit into their lifestyle. They're trying too hard.  I'm not referring to the millionaire who has a nice Mercedes Benz. That's not overcompensating. That person has wealth that is commensurate with owning a luxury car. I'm not saying I agree with this type of lifestyle, but at least it's not inauthentic.

With overcompensators, the body alterations appear "forced" and the toys are incongruous with their lifestyle.  It seems like the only reason the folks do or have these things is to prove a point.  And I guess that's the point. Do we really need to go to such lengths to convince people that we are what we really aren't? Can't we just relax and be who we are and be happy with it?

For the record, I have nothing against big boobs, pouty lips, body ink, chiseled abs, Rolex watches, or a nice pair of Jimmy Choos. Only certain people can pull this type of stuff off, though. If it's authentic and fits, then I'm all for it. If it's forced and screaming phony, then I have a hard time with it.

Hey, listen, I'm a repeat offender with this crap. I've bought $120 basketball sneakers because I wanted to "look" like a better player than I was, I chose to attend only high-priced, name brand colleges to show the world that I had "made it", I've gotten too much sun to prove to people that I have a life outside the cubicle, I've shaved my legs in an attempt to make my pathetic calves look bigger, I've cut horizontal stripes into my hair as a teenager to look more cool, I've missed plenty of meals trying to cut weight for a video shoot, and I'm an absurdly over-the-top overpreparer for the most inane projects. I've done it all. I may be a first balloter to the Overcompensator Hall of Shame.

I'll spare you the self-analysis of the psychological underpinnings of my overcompensation. I've already made peace with myself about these things. I don't think they're too dramatic or much worse than anyone else's anyway. Just accumulated crap in my life that I chose to mask and cover up with strange out-of-the-norm acts.

I'm not ashamed that I've done some weird stuff that was off-center from who I really am. It's called life and figuring out who you really are.  I've spent money, time, energy, and some skin cells along the way to figure out that most of that stuff doesn't matter. I overcompensate a lot less these days. Thank goodness. Overcompensating takes a lot of work. Frankly, it's a pain in the ass. It's so much easier just to exist as you are, instead of creating a facade of who you want to be or want to be seen as.

Do you have any overcompensating tendencies? Don't be shy. We've all been there. I hope this post gives you pause to think about your life and what you stand for. 

An even more interesting question is how many people you know who are "non-compensators"? These are people who do not feel the need to traffic in such superficial waters. I can only count a few people that I know who are true non-comps. They are special people. I aspire to travel in their shoes some day.

Until next time, I have to get back to my OA meeting.

phil black (FitDeck Founder)

Am I missing something?

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #54: Am I missing something?

I don't drink alcohol. I don't know why, I just don't. I never started and don't see a big reason to start now. It's not religion or because I've had some traumatic event that turned me against alcohol. And I don't think I'm better than anyone else just because I don't drink. I don't mind that others drink and I don't treat drinkers (aka normal people) any differently than anyone else. To quote on of my most despised phrases: "It is what it is".

I do have one question, though.

Why does celebration = alcohol?

Why is it that when it's time to celebrate a big promotion at work, or a bachelor party, or a 40th birthday, or a business success, or a night out with the fellas - that it's automatically time for alcohol? And usually in generous amounts?

Maybe it's because I've never been drunk before, but why is it that when something great happens, the standard response is to get hammered, wasted, baked, toasted, liquored, blasted, bent, cranked, plastered, messed up, stupid, or looped?

What am I missing?

When it's time to celebrate a big accomplishment, I want to have all my senses firing. I want to talk about it, dissect it, re-live it, revel in it, joke about it, and reminisce about what it took to get it done. I want to be alive and in the moment - not numb to the moment and half-conscious.  I don't want to dull my senses - I want to prick my senses. I want every atom in my body to be fully present and awake.  I want to remember the experience, the conversation, whom I was with, what we did and said. I don't want to wake up sick the next morning and have only a vague recollection of what happened.

Strangely, most people characterize such an evening as "having a good time".  This is probably such a vague description for a reason - because they have no idea what happened.

Now, before you start unloading on me, I'm not a naive and sheltered person who's lived in a monastery for 20 years. I get it. I was in a college fraternity, spent five years traveling the world as a SEAL, partied on Wall Street, been to plenty of bachelor parties and tradeshows, and won plenty of athletic competitions. I've been in and around alcohol my whole life. I know the deal - minus the first hand experience.

I know inhibitions go down, a feeling of serenity takes over, you feel more loose, at ease, chill, happy, and relaxed. I get it. I'm not suggesting that it's wrong to seek out such feelings.

But why can't those feelings come from within - without the alcohol? Why does the experience have to be altered by alcohol (or drugs)?

Am I missing something? I understand that I'm a social misfit when it comes to social drinking customs. I don't do Starbucks, 5-hour Energy, Vitamin Water, Diet Coke, or alcohol. I am a beverage marketer's worst nightmare. I drink tap water.

When I'm on my deathbed, will I regret not "getting wicked wasted with the guys" for all those years?

Am I wrong to want to keep my senses as clear and present as possible for these types of events versus dulled and chemically altered?

By the way, just to be clear, I'm not bashing the consumption of alcohol. My comments do not apply to those who have a glass of wine at dinner or a beer at the baseball game. They also don't apply to the raging alcoholic who binge drinks in Vegas twice a month. These are completely different scenarios. I'm talking about the otherwise average person who decides that celebration time = get wasted drunk time.

Please let me know if I should join the rest of the human race.  If you can convince me, the first drink's on me...

Until next week, Keep the Edge.

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

Gray, Bald, or Hair Product?

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Topic #53

Mental Edge Monday: Gray hair - friend or foe?

I've been noticing a steady increase in the number of gray hairs on the sides of my head these days. What's up with that?

Sometimes I don't notice the gray at all -- other times, in the right light, I feel like I'm working a full-on Anderson Cooper. I also fear that when I don't see the gray, that maybe it's because my eyes are starting to fail me too. Crap!

I'm not sure what to think about this. I'm not against gray hair, per se, but I don't feel like I should be getting gray hair in my early 40s. I know some people think it's okay to work a little salt-n-pepper action, but I'm not sure I can pull that off. Clooney, yes - Black, not so much.

I know going bald is probably worse, as they both call into question our youth and self-perceived virility.

I have a constant internal debate about whether I should consider using "product" to rid my head of these gray intruders. Am I crazy? I can't really imagine using product to get rid of a little salt in my hair, but they're a constant reminder that I'm not getting any younger.

What about shaving it all off? Is that an option?  It seems like some guys can maintain a shred of dignity with a bald head. I'm not sure if I'm that guy.

I know women sometimes have these issues as well. Somehow it doesn't get as much attention as it does for men. Maybe women have an easier time hiding it. They're often more adept at using product.

I don't think graying is anything to be ashamed of, I just would prefer not to start so early.

What are the options? Use product? Rock the gray? Take the hair down to the scalp?

I'm curious how others out there are dealing with this issue.

What do the men think? What do the women think?

Until next week, Keep the Edge.

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

Words and Phrases Banned from my Home

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #52: Words and Phrases Banned from my Home

I'm a big language guy. Not in a "linguistics/grammarian PhD" sort of way - I make plenty of syntax errors, use sentence fragments, and dangle modifiers like it's an Olympic sport. I like language for what it can do for the quality of our lives, our attitudes, and our performance. In my opinion "language directs life."

With this in mind, here is a list of words and phrases that have been, heretofore, officially banned from the Black household. These words shan't be uttered in our house without serious consequences. This applies to our four sons (9,9,7,3 years), my wife and me.

Just to be clear. I hate these words and phrases. Yes, I said, "hate".  I know, "hate" is such a hateful word. That's why I like it. I lose a few bits of my soul every time I hear a loved one use these words and phrases. Why? Because if these words are in their spoken vocabulary, then I am not doing my job as a father or husband.

Words and Phrases Banned from the Black Household:

1. "I quit"
2. "I give up"
3. "This is impossible"
4. "I can't do..."
5. "Can't I just..."
6. "It is what it is"

I'll address these in three sections:

#1-4: I know 3-digit multiplication sucks. I know it takes a NASA Engineer to program the DVR. I know the 3,000-piece Lego Ninjago Tower doesn't always go together smoothly. I get it. Sometimes things suck. But, in my opinion, that is no excuse to let #1-4 fly. No way. (Oh, Phil, you're so harsh. You're just a meany. You're just a big, tall Navy SEAL-trained mental slave-driver. Let the poor kids express their frustration).

Sorry, not on my watch. They can cry, they can punch their pillows, they can run around screaming their heads off - heck, I'll even let them drop a "crap bomb" every once in a while. I know we don't live in church. I know they need to blow off steam. As soon as they verbalize their frustration with #1-4 above, however, it begins a slow downward slide.

What am I talking about? Well, as soon as you verbalize that you "quit" or "can't do it", etc. you program you brain (subconsciously, of course) to acknowledge that you failed. Multiply this over and over again (thousands of times) and you've now created a strong neural pathway that accepts failure, quitting, or impossibility. It becomes a viable option for you. When things start to get tough, bam! Hit the "quit" button. You're brain is lubed up and ready to comply. 

Sorry, this is unacceptable.

Mind you, I'm not suggesting that my frustrated 6-year-old who can't finish his Lego Spaceship has (or should have) the maturity to just drop the project and walk away. He doesn't. He's allowed to get upset. He's allowed to get angry. He can lash out (within reason). Life can suck sometimes (get used to it, sonny). I just don't want to hear the words and phrases that anchor this in his brain.

#5. "Can't I just..."  This is a huge pet peeve of mine - especially with my kids. When I hear these words, I automatically associate it with: "lowest common denominator, bare minimum, minimum wage, just what's required and not an ounce more".  This usually has to do with homework, or chores, or cleanup. How can I do the absolutely bare minimum to get by so that I can get back to what I really want to do? Sorry, fellas, bare minimum language gives you bare minimum performance. That doesn't mean we force the kids to do 2x what's expected or customary, but when they start in with the "can't I just..." it's all over. It's a terrible mentality to have.

#6. "It is What it Is"  No it isn't! Who the hell ever made this phrase up? People drop this phrase 10 times a day and feel good about it. I hate this phrase. It means absolutely nothing. If anything, it's the most fatalistic and responsibility-offloading phrase I've ever heard.

Now, of course I know the intent of the phrase: Hey, there's nothing we can do about it, so let's just move on and not dwell on it. I still hate it. I prefer "It is What - We Make of It." If it sucks, we make it better. If it's a disaster, we find a way to recover. If it's a tragedy, we rally the troops to bounce back. Don't just throw out the phrase and call it good. That's just as bad as #1-4.

Well, there you have it. I'm sure there are other words and phrases that bug you. What gets your goat?

Until next week, Keep the Edge.

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

Reward Kids with Cash instead of Crap

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #51: Reward Kids with Cash Instead of Crap

I know I'm going to get in trouble for this. Is it me, or is anyone else sick and tired of rewarding kids with "treats" every time they turn around?  Kids can't breathe these days without some kind of celebration that is centered on devouring crap food. "Crap" is the technical term that nutritionists use for things like cake, ice cream, soda, mac-and-cheese, Gatorade, candy, cupcakes, pizza, etc. (Yes, I said Gatorade. It's crap).

With all of the talk about childhood obesity and how it's becoming the downfall of our society - why is it that the "crap" keeps flowing?

Don't get me wrong, I'm just as guilty as anyone else. When my kids win a big basketball game, I'm the first to fall into the "let's-go-out-and-celebrate-with-ice-cream" trap. I recently started to think there had to be a better (or different) way.

For the last few weeks, I've been noting every event that ends up with some kind of a "treat" reward. The results are staggering.

Just think about how often kids are conditioned to associate treats with winning, joy, celebration, fun, and "having a good time". The anchoring is so deep, so systematic, so habitual, so entrenched, and so part of daily life that it is no wonder why most of our children are destined to have serious weight issues. Any time there's even a whiff of accomplishment, kids are having treats rammed down their throats. And Pavlov's dogs thought they had it bad? We've beaten this message into their heads thousands and thousands of times.

Here's a short list of the usual suspects:

• Birthday - Cakes
• Graduation - cupcakes
• Sleepovers - hot fudge sundaes
• Boy Scouts - S'mores at the Shores
• School snacks - Flamin' Hot Doritos
• Super Bowl - Chicken wings
• Halloween - candy a-go-go
• School Barbeque - hotdogs, candy, soda
• Christmas - cookies and ice cream
• Vacation - splurge on pizza and soda
• Athletic competition - Pizza Hut time!

And the list goes on and on. I found it difficult to think of an event, accomplishment, or holiday that did not have some kind(s) of unhealthful "treat" associated with it.

Now for all of you out there who are about to call me a party-pooping, holier-than-thou, twigs-and-berries-eating, child-depriving, anti-American stick-in-the-mud organic freakshow - simmer down. As I said, I'm guilty of all of these things with my own kids. We try to put other systems in place to lessen the impact of this madness, but we still fall into the trap more often than we'd care to admit.

And, yes, I understand that some of these things may be part of a "tradition" that holds great sentimental value for many of us. These traditions may be social, religious, regional or cultural. That's part of the problem. Some of these habits are so "traditional" that no one questions them. Everyone just assumes that it's okay. It may be time to change the model and create a new tradition.

So here's my idea:

Instead of giving kids a bowl of ice cream after a big soccer win, or for their birthday, or at their graduation party - give them money. Cold hard cash. Give every single bratty kid at the stinkin' birthday party a few dollar bills instead of cake. Why not? Food isn't free, and imagine what responsibility and freedom a few bucks will give a child. They actually have to think about what they would do with that money (I know you're thinking it, but don't say it. No, hopefully they won't go out and buy a box of gummie worms).

I call it the Cash-Instead-of-Crap Campaign (boy doesn't that just roll off the tongue)

Let's imagine how this thought experiment would play out. For one, your kids will begin to amass a war chest of cash over the course of a year(s) - this must be better than amassing 7 lbs. of excess fat on their bodies. They now begin to wonder what they could buy with their newfound money - this must be better than anchoring success with crap food. Who knows, maybe they'll even put the money to good use and buy a baseball glove, or ballet shoes, or an erector set - all much better choices than the scarfing of crap food. Hey, maybe this will spur on a dialogue with your child about what they plan to buy? What, you mean I may actually have something interesting to talk to my child about? Heck, maybe they'll even decide to "save" their money for the future. Wow! Now we're making progress.

I know they'll be some naysayers out there who will allege that paying kids money will send an equally poor message - that success and achievement equates to financial reward. Huh? Is that really that far from the truth? Let's be honest. This isn't the worst message in the world to send is it? Compared to the "performance = treats" model, I'll take my chances with "performance = cash" model any day.

Listen, I'm not suggesting that we serve carrots and tofu at little Carmine's 5th birthday, but I am challenging you to be aware of what is going on out there.

The "Cash-for-Crap" model is a little far-fetched and I introduced it to make a point. But is it really that far-fetched? Let me know your thoughts and whether you've found a better way to deal with the growing coupling of "good times" with crap food.

Until next week, Keep the Edge.

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

The Food You're Eating is Killing you

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #50: The Food You're Eating is Killing you

Many of you reading this blog (including me) are very nutritionally "aware". We know the importance of eating well and we're doing the best we can to constantly improve our eating habits.

With this as a common thread, I like to think of us as "wellness ambassadors".  We are people that should be out in the world helping others live healthier lives. We don't necessarily have to be a certified personal trainer or licensed nutritionist to be a wellness ambassador. We just have to be a person of influence whom others listen to.

Even if we don't necessarily want the burden or responsibility that comes with ambassadorship, I hope that you'll take on this challenge with me. Our world needs us right now more than ever before in history.

Here's the question that I'd like to pose today. Assuming we have embraced this role as wellness ambassadors, what's the best way to spread the word about proper nutrition habits to our friends, family, co-workers, or clients?

1. Drop a bomb?
2. Chip away?

People need to hear the message. They need to be educated on the problems with dairy, commercially processed meats, deceptive food labeling, and the list goes on an on. As ambassadors, it's our job to deliver bits of education in understandable, bite-sized pieces.

As the saying goes, "It's all in the delivery." How do we best deliver these messages to those in our spheres of influence? Do we "drop a bomb" at their feet and convince them with shocking information and research that the food they are eating is literally killing them? Get in their face and tell them that they are eating and drinking themselves to death? As dramatic as this sounds, it's true for most Americans.

Or do we "chip away" at them by incrementally introducing new food and exercise concepts in a drip, drip, drip-like fashion? Maybe watching "Biggest Loser" with an obese friend would help introduce a topic that might be awkward to bring up on its own? Is posting "good nutrition tips" to our Facebook wall good enough?

Of course, there is no right answer. Part of the answer is related to your personal style as well as the attitude of the person or people you're trying to help change.

What's your approach? Do you try to shock people with the most damning statistics or studies to try to get their attention? Or do you chip away at them month-by-month, hoping that your cumulative efforts will result in a change.

I've always been more of a "chip-away" guy. I, personally, have felt more comfortable taking a more indirect approach rather than dropping a bomb in someone's lap. These days, however, I'm starting to wonder if I have that luxury anymore.

We are fighting large, politically entrenched organizations (food companies) that will exploit every loophole imaginable to keep the status quo. These organizations wage war on us every day with their bogus advertising and marketing schemes. We need to fight back!

How do we arm ourselves against this machine? Please offer your insights on how we can disrupt people enough to listen, take inventory of the facts, and make change.

Until next week, Keep the Edge.

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

Regrets of the Dying

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #49: Regrets of the Dying

A few month's ago, I revealed one of my biggest motivators - regret. I hate regretting things. When I came across this piece about life's biggest regrets, I shuddered.

Bronnie Ware is a nurse from Australia who spent several years recording the things that her dying patients most regretted in their lives. Sounds a little creepy, but there is a lot to be learned from these epiphanies.  Bronnie put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. I decided to put myself to the test. How am I doing in each of these categories? What course corrections do I need to get back on track?

1. "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

A-

Okay, so far I like this game. I gave up trying to live up to "society's expectations" long ago. On paper, I have a pretty kick-ass resume - Yale University, Harvard Business School, U.S. Navy SEAL Officer, Goldman Sachs Investment Banker, blah, blah, blah... It screams U.S. Senator, or Fortune 500 CEO, or Navy Admiral or Hedge Fund Manager.

But guess what? I'm a firefighter. A lowly blue-collar worker. I do a job that high school graduates are qualified for. People have straight up asked me "What happened to you?"  They also have asked me if my parents are distraught at what I've become. "Shouldn't you be running for President or something?" they ask. I can't help but smile when I get these questions or reactions from people. They just don't get it. I'll have to keep my rationale for this career move for a different blog. Needless to say, I am living a life true to myself - even if I'm the only person who realizes it.

2. " I wish I didn't work so hard"

D+

Uh, oh! So much for the good grades. I'll get hammered on this one. I can see this being a big regret of mine on my deathbed. This one is very tough for me to overcome on a daily basis. There's just so much crap to get done. I will try to work a little less hard, but I'm not overly optimistic.

3. "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings"

C-

I'm trying to get better at this, but I'm still well below average. Especially with an extreme military background and training, this one's tough for me to get right. I bottle up a lot. I've learned to live with a lot of mental and physical pain, discomfort, and annoyances without expressing the feelings associated with these issues. Talking or discussing these issues shows weakness and lack of self control, and I don't like either of those things. I need a lot of work on this.

4. "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends"

B

I have a constant internal debate on this one. How many friends is too many? I'd rather have 3 extremely close friends than 12 good friends. That's just me. I shoot for quality over quantity on this one. Still some work to be done, but I'm not a total loss.

5. "I wish I had let myself be happier"

D

Yikes! This one hurts. I have so much to be happy for and I don't let myself enjoy it nearly enough. It's not because I'm hunting for the next promotion, or my two commas, or the corner office - it's just other stuff that gets in the way. I feel like if I feel too happy, that something bad might happen just to slap me back into reality. I wouldn't want to be too happy -- would I? I'm not a smart man. That's not a healthy way to live. My mother beats me up about this all the time. She calls me out when I sound "down" on the phone and says that she wants me to smile more.  She's right. I should.  I'm happy, but also cautiously optimistic and distracted by the potential risks that are lurking around every corner. This needs fixing. I'm working on it but I have a long way to go.

Final Overall Grade: C-

Crap! That wasn't such a fun game after all. That's the worst grade I've ever gotten on any test in my life. And this is the only test that matters - the test of life. This was an eye-opener for me. I don't want to have these regrets when I'm on my deathbed. I want straight A's on my final report card, on my tombstone, in my eulogy.

How would you do on this test? Do you think about these things?

I hope you'd score better than I did.

Until next week, Keep the Edge.

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)

What does FitDeck mean to you?

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Mental Edge Monday

Topic #48: What does FitDeck mean to you?

It's been a wild ride since we started our company "FitDeck" about seven years ago. I couldn't imagine back then what this idea would eventually turn into. We are close to launching our 39th and 40th FitDeck titles (FitDeck Golf and Lacrosse) as well as a brand new Mobile App for iPhone. The backlog for new titles in development is longer than I want to admit.

The continued support of our customers, fans, and FitDeck fanatics has been incredible. We are in the process of overhauling our website and I was hoping to take this opportunity to get some candid feedback from you.

I'd love to get your gut feelings on the following two questions:

1. What does FitDeck mean to you? (three descriptive words would be great)
2. How do you think FitDeck could improve?

I can't begin to thank you for your support over the years as well as for your insightful interaction with this blog. I have gained more from your comments and questions than you can imagine.

If you do have a few minutes to comment on these questions, please don't hold back. The more honest the feedback is, the better the results will be.

Many thanks.

best,

Phil Black (FitDeck Founder)